You mean how do I feel about myself? Gee I don't know, I feel great about myself. I'm an American and I'm a Chinese. And I'm happy I can talk about America and China as if they were my biatch. I can criticize and/or defend both of them simultaneously at different websites in English and Chinese, and still being accused of pretentious self-serving nationalist jerk on both sides.

What can I say, my life is great!

But in all seriousness, you have a very narrow perception about "Chinese". What exactly is China or Chinese? Many westerners believe China is PRC, the nation state established by communist party in 1949. But very few of us considered 1949 as the same as 1776. 1949 is not the birth of a nation, like 1776 symbolized for America. 1949 for Chinese is merely the start of another dynasty, like the start of the term of a new president. Very few of us even identify with this new China. So when we use the word Chinese, it represents a vast and mixed concept of cultural, historical, political, geographical, ethical, and emotional heritage and tradition. Communist China is just a small part of it, by no means the most important part.

So from this broader perspective, I literally can't "give up" being a Chinese even if I want to (and I don't). Being Chinese is like having a heart or lung, it is part of me. I'd stop being a Chinese (or an American, or a person) the day I die. I'm very happy to call myself a Chinese and an American and be very proud of both.

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